Reference Point

Of lately , I was told by my Ethics Prof that when you don’t have any reference points in life it becomes a rudderless boat in the un chartered waters ,drifting from place to place without any aim .Though I am not one among those who takes advices because I feel there are far too many to implement but this one since it was told on to my face while I was standing in front of the class and probably because somehow I was looking upon my life and asking some questions like : What is my aim ?, What is that I stand for ?, What is that for which I am ready to die defending ? . And not much to my shear surprise I realized that I had none and maybe this was the reason I liked being a loner so that I don’t have to make any choices ,so that I am at peace with myself but then I don’t want to break like a glass at a later stage .

There begins the search of a reference point in my life ………..

Though I have read some Biographies, life accounts, endeavors .I was never passionate or maybe strong enough to say: Yes, this guy has some sold values I need to imbibe them and be like him .But time has come to make a stand in this world to live a life.

Mahatma Gandhi, I had read his (sorry would use bapu henceforth) “experiments of truth “and was riveted to the couch till I completed it .I was highly inspired by the stands he took never once I found him un-wavered in his belief of truth and to stand by it .I was highly inspired by him he showed that by making a stand “The sky wont fall upon you”(courtesy ethics Prof ) u only win to gain(morally) not to loose.

Life of Buddha, a life marked by celibacy, abstinence from the material world also inspired me a lot and to an extent of going to Bodh gaya and spend some time there.

Father, a great person in whom I saw a never Die attitude, riveted to Family through fulfillment of family (Extended) obligations, Workaholic.

Brother, a diligent hard worker who always excels in what he does.

This list will go on and on and then I realized everyone has something good or bad why not try to take the good out of all but then that would be a very exhaustive list and sometime u might get hazy on what to do and what not to do. So its better to have one main figure whom you will look upon as the beacon of ray of hope .Hmmmm , though I haven’t finalized on who will be my beacon but the quench to find one has begun ,the one that will be my REFERNCE POINT.

Smoke on the Water - Day 1

Not because i understand and feel sorry for myself of being a chronic cigarette smoker but for building the belief in myself that i can do what i want , i have decided to quit smoking .First day has passed with great difficulty .It feels as if my jaws are craving for nicotine and all of my body is fervently waiting for that one smoke of cigarette .God i wish i pull it through this by tomorrow morning . If i do then i guess i have cleared one step .

Shit happens !!!!!

Well it seems , the confusing part of me is what that makes me different from the rest .One thing that has remained constant in my life is lack of clarity i have in my mind for anything i do . Not that i am sad ,but i am not sure,whether its due to the feeling of fulfillment that is causing this in-clarity or whether its the lack of fights i am ready to put in .I have critics who argue for both. Hmmm , life can be divided in to work life , love life , social life .Fortunately or unfortunately all of that in my life is skewed and i am still least bothered as of date .Maybe that's because i don't compare and i don't have any reference on this or else maybe its the mystic aura which i want for myself or believing wrongly .Sometimes i feel enough is enough and one needs to end this life ,its shit boring .Rather than think over and fret over it, why not die and try to live another combination of life.I know i am blessed in this life immensely god has showered me with his blessings of "No Sorrow" till date. New dilemma of mine is hilarious .But i love my life this way someway or the other it helps my synaptic nerves on the prowl it keeps me active , it keeps me pumped in and i am dying to do anything for it ,its a kind of opium shot which i keep giving myself this is what that drives me , this is what i am .Phew !!!! Everything just evaporated .

Lets make it special !!!!!